Easy Ways to Spice Up Your (Married) Sex Life.

  Sharing Your Fantasies With Your Partner Can Help You Beat Boredom In The Bedroom

If you’ve been married for more than a few years, chances are you and your mate have fallen into a routine – from who takes out the trash to who picks up the kids from school. And while getting into a groove can be a good thing, when it comes to your sex life, it’s best to aim for variety.

Spicing up your sex life can improve your relationship with your partner and result in a host of health benefits. "Sex is an aerobic activity, which means it can boost your heart health," says Rachel Needle, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist based in West Palm Beach, Florida. “One energetic act of intercourse burns 180 calories – which, believe it or not, is equivalent to about 20 minutes of gentle jogging or playing a 9-hole round of golf.” 
Getting frisky with your significant other can also boost your mood. Sex releases endorphins, your brain’s “feel-good” chemicals. Plus, the hormones released during sex may lower depression and anxiety levels and boost immunity, says Needle. Having regular intercourse with your partner can also improve sleep, enhance longevity, and protect brain function.
So, how can you spice up your sex life? Start with these simple (yet sexy) strategies.

Make out like teenagers.

At the beginning of a relationship, couples enjoy deep, sexy kissing, and they touch each other in arousing ways, says Needle. But as a relationship matures, that lovey-dovey behavior can take a backseat to chores and mundane activities. Channel your inner teenager and kiss, hug, and snuggle your partner like you did when you first met. Doing so will help keep your marriage sexually alive.

Try something new.

Over time, most couples adopt a fairly predictable sexual script, says Needle. To change things up, try something new. Start with something simple like a different position or adding a blind fold to shift your sensory experience, suggests Ellen Barnard, MSSW, a sex educator and counselor in Madison, Wisconsin. You could also introduce sex toys, role play, dress up, or change the scenery.

Schedule romantic activities.

“Taking time out to spend with your partner is one of the most loving things you can do for each other,” says Susan Kaye, PhD, a sex therapist located in San Antonio and Austin, Texas, and Philadelphia. “I suggest that couples get a copy of the book 8 Erotic Nights, which offers eight sensual activities that will show you and your partner how to please each other.” Take turns picking out an activity and you'll connect more passionately with your partner.

Share your fantasies.

“Fantasies are underutilized by couples,” says Roger Libby, PhD, a sex therapist and adjunct professor and distinguished lecturer at the Institute for the Advanced Study of Sexuality in San Francisco. “But it’s important to use your imagination and share your most erotic desires with your partner.” If you’re feeling shy, set the mood by lighting some candles, turning off electronics, and playing romantic music. Once you’re both feeling relaxed and intimate, open up to your significant other.

See a sex therapist.

Still feeling stuck in a rut? Consider seeing a certified sex therapist. “Therapy is not necessarily reserved for problems,” says Needle. “It can be about education, growth, and sexual development." To find a sex therapist near you, check out the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists.

Brainstorm a list of fantasies.

“Create a bucket list of no-stress, exciting ideas to try together," says Morris. If you come up with something that both parties aren’t into, put it on a ‘maybe’ list, and revisit it later, she suggests. Not only is making a list together fun, simply talking about desires can keep things hot. “Communication allows you to fantasize consensually so that you can focus on pleasure in the bedroom with no hesitation,” says Fine.

Have fun together

Sometimes keeping passion alive in the bedroom has nothing to do with sex at all. Take a tennis lesson, try a new restaurant, go on a hike together. “When you do a fun activity that’s not sexual with your partner, you’ll pay attention to one-another, which helps build desire, and that’s a form of foreplay,” says Amy Levine, certified sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure.

Have a faux affair. (With your partner)

Plan a date with your partner, and act like you’re meeting up with your lover, while you both (pretend to) leave your partners at home. (Use your imagination!) According to intimacy expert and certified Ayurvedic educator Coltrane Lord, part of the reason why couples cheat (which we're not suggesting you do IRL) is to feel more sexually uninhibited, simply because it’s taboo—so who knows where a faux affair can lead you. Even prepping for it may make you hot with anticipation.

Have sex before the main event.

Feeling tired, full, and bloated is an intimacy killer. So instead of waiting until the end of the night to have sex, Morris says to get busy before going out. “If you have children, ask the sitter come early and take the kids out of the house," she says. You may find that connecting early in the evening puts a whole new spin on the rest of the night. And you may even want more of each other after dessert.

Take away your senses.

“Blindfold your partner while they listen to sensual music with earphones on,” says Lord. Then, she says, take it to the next level and experiment with objects like ice, feathers, melted wax, and coconut oil. “Not being able to see or hear heightens awareness and anticipation for sensations that are to come,” says Lord. “It’s the surprise and mystery that is exciting.”